Let it Be

There are so many things that I've learned in the past few weeks. I've never lost anyone close to me before, so losing my Dad, and the emotions that I've felt, have been a completely new experience to me. I don't think I've ever felt such a flood of different and intense emotions like this in my life. Shock, confusion, disbelief, denial, sadness, lonliness, longing, anger... But interestingly enough, the emotions haven't been all sad ones. It's been such a mix of happy and sad... I'll do my best to try to explain.

Last night, Shane and I went to see a Beatles tribute band called Rain. If you ever get the chance, you need to go! They sounded just like the Beatles and their performance was amazing. As they sang one of their most popular songs, "Let it be" I felt like it summed up what my Dad had been trying to tell me over and over these past few weeks.

My dad was always influenced by music and would listen to particular songs based upon how he was feeling at the time. And I do that too... :)

So many things in life are just simply out of our hands and our of our control. As much as I would have loved my Dad to stay longer, as much as I wish I could talk to him, to hug him again, hear his advice... I know he's needed somewhere else. My brothers and sister and I have all felt my Dad so near through this. We have felt his love concern over us in coping with his passing. Several of us have felt like he was wishing he could explain everything to us, and why he had to go. Felt like he was saying... "If only I could tell you what I know now... and show you what I've seen!" I know there is a plan for all of us, and it may seem like such a sad thing for someone to pass at such a young age when they had so much life yet to live. But I know that this life isn't the beginning or the end! There is so much ahead, we don't even have any idea. I really believe that he is still busy and living it up where he's at and very happy!

The other thing that has given me so much comfort, is feeling my dad so near. I've never felt anything like that in my life. I used to feel so lucky to be able to talk to him on the phone once per week and see him a week out of each year. But now I realize, that he can watch his grandchildren grow up and see the things that I'm doing in my life... all the time! And it makes me so happy knowing that he'll be an even bigger part of my life than he was able to before. I know he'll still be our Dad, watching me, Grant, Sheri, Tom, and Elise, from above. And I know he'll always be a large part of our lives and be our guardian angel. It is so comforting knowing he'll be watching over us.

My dad want's me and my family to be happy, and I feel like he's really gone to great lengths to comfort all of us and help us to realize that it is really okay... and life will go on and we need to go on still living our lives and make the best of them that we can.

Another real positive thing that I've taken from this experience is really learning what service is all about. My dad was always helping other people. Story after story after story... people coming up to us and telling us how my dad helped them.. or how he was such a good listener, and how they felt like he truly cared. I felt that way about my dad, but I was amazed at how many people loved him too. His heart was always full of love for others.

I've also been so touched by the outpouring of love from friends, family... cards, flowers, e-mails, phone calls, meals, treats! It's so hard to describe how I feel. This outpouring of love, on top of feeling and realizing how much my Dad loved other people... has truly been amazing and healing. My heart is so full... it feels like it's so warm it's going to overheat! The love that I've felt and experienced nearly crowds out all of the sad or painful feelings that I've had. And I feel so humbled and amazed. I also feel such a strong desire to always keep that feeling in my heart by opening up my heart and by serving others as well! So I've started to think of things that I can do to help and serve others, and it makes me so excited! It also is really healing because I know it will help me to feel even closer to my Dad as I remember the kind of person he was, and try to follow that example.

Let it Be... it almost feels as if my Dad is speaking to me through this song. I know it's okay to cry and feel sad (and I do often!). But some things are out of our control. And if we focus on what we can't control, it would be so easy to forget about the things we do have control over, and the blessings that can come out of trials. Heavenly Father cares about us, and if we pay attention... it's easy to realize he's there.

When i find myself in times of trouble
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.